So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
