They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
