New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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