I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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