2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
