"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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