please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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