did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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