Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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