i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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