Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
please come you make the beer taste better
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
