I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
