I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My dick has a subreddit
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
