did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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