The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
