Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
