hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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