you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
