Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
