My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
