I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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