You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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