How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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