I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
