there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
