fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
