The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
