rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
