Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
