Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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