It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
