how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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