Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
