I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
