I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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