I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
