Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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