dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
