I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
