Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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