why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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