Sorry, I don't speak sober.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
