My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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