oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
