Three words: puerto rican gang bang
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
