dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
