Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
