woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
