Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
