I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
