it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
