I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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