No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
