dude i'm inner monologue high
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
