every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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