There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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