Kiss
Puke
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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