you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
